Ep. 80: That One Bad Performance STILL Haunts Me with Sophie Adickes

We all have that one moment. You know the one I’m talking about—the time you got on stage, sang your heart out, and something went wrong. Maybe you cracked. Maybe you forgot the words. Maybe you just flat-out froze.

And even if it happened years ago, for some reason, your brain won’t let it go.

So what do we do with that memory? How do we stop it from holding us hostage every time we step on stage?

For this conversation, I brought in my friend Sophie Adickes, a brilliant mental performance coach who helps artists and creatives manage stress, rewire performance anxiety, and build unshakeable confidence. She’s also a singer herself, so she knows exactly what it feels like to be in your shoes.

Why Our Brains Replay the “Bad” Stuff

Sophie explained it beautifully: "Your brain has two jobs—keep you safe and save energy. That means it prioritizes memories of painful or embarrassing moments as a way to protect you."

It’s no different than touching a hot stove as a kid. You only have to do it once before your brain says, “Nope, let’s never do that again.” Unfortunately, it applies the same logic to performance blunders.

Even if you want to sing, your nervous system might kick into fight-or-flight the second you step on stage because it’s trying to protect you from “danger.”

So first things first: nothing is wrong with you if this happens. Your brain is doing its job.

Thoughts and Feelings Are Not Facts

Here’s the trap: we treat every thought or feeling as if it’s 100% true.

“I messed up once, so I must be a bad singer.”“I blanked on stage, so I can’t trust myself again.”

But as Sophie reminded us: "Thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are just feelings. Neither automatically equals fact."

And memories? They’re not fixed. We can actually reframe and rewrite the meaning of those moments. Instead of that audition being “proof I’m a failure,” maybe it becomes a story of resilience—because even after that flop, you’re still here, still singing, still showing up.

But What If It’s On The Internet...Like...For Forever?

Yep. In today’s world, almost every performance is recorded. Maybe that slip is sitting online right now.

Here’s Sophie’s advice:

• Don’t keep replaying it. Watching it over and over only cements the negative loop.

• Balance it out. Spend equal (or more) time revisiting performances you loved or moments when people gave you genuine encouragement.

• Keep a “confidence file.” Save kind words, glowing reviews, and memories of your strongest performances so you have proof of your growth to revisit when you need it.
  

And remember—the internet moves fast. Even if something embarrassing is “out there,” it’s just one drop in an endless ocean of content.

Getting Ready for the Next Performance

So what do you do when the show must go on—literally the next night?

Here’s Sophie’s framework:

1. Process it. Give yourself a set time to name what you’re feeling instead of letting it spiral all day.

2. Set specific goals. Anchor your focus to one strength for the next performance—maybe it’s connecting with a castmate or nailing that high note you know you own.

3. Practice self-talk out loud. Seriously. Address yourself in the second person, like: “Melissa, yesterday was tough. But you’ve done this a hundred times. You know what you do well. You’re ready.” Saying it out loud shifts your nervous system and breaks the mental loop.

Final Thoughts

Here’s the truth: that “one big blunder” isn’t proof you’re a bad singer. It’s a warning signal from your brain that you can choose to reinterpret.

You don’t have to ignore it—you can acknowledge it, reframe it, and use it as fuel for resilience. Because you’re still here. You’re still showing up. You’re still doing the thing you were made to do.

And that, my friend, is way more powerful than any performance slip. For more resources on how to bounce back from any not-so-great performance, check out the resources we have for you inside of our Passionate Performer Program, HERE.

You got this!